Burned Out

Growing up I was an only child....until I was 14. That's when my sister was born. I was depended on to help with babysitting and caring for my sibling, pretty much whenever it was asked of me. At the time, I didn't mind it. In fact I enjoyed it.

We also had dogs when I was a kid. Granted, looking back, a lot wasn't asked of me here, except to feed and water them every day, and pick up their poop. I should have done more, spent more time with them, played with them, etc., but I didn't. Now I carry a lot of guilt because they are only dogs, they need love, care, and attention. I should have done more.

Then a second sibling was born. I was older now, and preparing to start my own life. I helped out when I could, but was really looking to distance myself from this. The expectation was that I would be available much as I was with the first one, and, when that didn't happen, it was an issue. That is a subject for another post.

Then I got married. We didn't have children for about five and a half years, but I was super busy! Never had time. Didn't realize that I should have been enjoying this time more. I was only doing what I knew.

When we had our children, I became fully immersed in parenting and everything revolved around them. Taking care of them became my focus. Of course children want a dog, so we got a dog. Now I was taking care of the children and the dog.

The kids are nearly fully grown now, and the dog is still with us. After all those years of caring for others and for animals, I now find it hard to make the effort to do things I don't want to do.

I also am having a hard time getting the motivation to do things that I do want to do. I'm tired. I hope this will improve as I get more rest and a break to rejuvenate. 

I also feel guilt because of our current dog. I should want to do more with him, to spend more time with him, but I sometimes feel like it is a burden and just another thing that I have to do. Again, he is just a dog and needs love, attention, and care - so I do it and he is doing just fine. But there is the guilt.

I continually remind myself of the need to enjoy the moment and those (including animals) around me. I've gotten better at it, but it is a work in progress.

Time to figure out how to reconnect with my spouse and do things we enjoy. Stop being burned out.